Set Relationship Goals

We are what we repeatedly do.
— Aristotle

The New Year’s resolution trend inspired us to write this post.

New Year’s Resolution Myths

The following are what a lot of media seems to be saying about why you shouldn’t set New Year’s Resolutions.

What they’re saying: “You don’t need a resolution because you’re enough as is.”

Our comment: Being self-compassionate is important and doesn’t mean we can’t strive to be our best selves at the same time. Some psychologists and therapists would add that real self-love is about being our best selves.

What they’re saying: “You don’t need a resolution because you need to take a break to celebrate all that you already are.”

Our comment: Why not do both? Setting goals and realizing your ambitions doesn’t exclude slowing down and celebrating. Stick through the article to see what we mean.

What they’re saying: “Resolutions often suck, so don’t bother with them.”

Our comment: Many resolutions may suck, but that’s where our method comes in: we’ll take the suckiness out of your game plan so you can level up your relationship.

In other words, we don’t think those phrases are wrong. We just think that they’re one piece of the puzzle.

Set Personal and Relationship Goals

Goal setting is about intentionally connecting with our authenticity, moving towards the full expression of our full potential. - Relationship Zen

Setting personal and relationship goals prepares us to form the habits that are in service of our best and most authentic selves and relationship. The process motivates us, creates new levels of self-awareness and ultimately, is an act of celebration and self-love.

It helps to prevent us from adopting toxic relationship habits, which can lead to feelings of unworthiness, isolation, boredom, insecurity, and alienation.

We set and review goals regularly, but we use the holiday time to do a deeper and longer term dive because we have more time. And to be honest, we love to ride the New Years Resolution wave.

During this time, we do a Strategic Planning process which includes celebration, gratitude, story-telling, and values-based work. We call this process: Relationship Zen Strategic Planning and there are two phases.

Pro tip: Many couples have used our simple yet powerful DIY version with the help of our two articles: part 1 and part 2.

It’s an important process “because you can’t work towards a shared future if you don’t spend time dreaming together and learning about each other’s goals, motivations, aspirations, and challenges” (from, Part 1 ).

Think of this practice as a relationship planning retreat where you leave feeling motivated, inspired, on the same page and ready to maximize your relationships potential!

Keeping Your Personal and Relationship Goals Alive

We know what it’s like to set lofty or meaningless goals at the start of the year without following through. That’s why we’ve fine tuned our Strategic Planning process to ensure that our goals are relevant, meaningful, and connected to our needs, values and purpose.

To sustain the energy throughout the year, we set up check-ins that we call Tea(m) Time. Think of this as an inspired date night that re-aligns you in between the pushes and pulls of life. The same way that Formula One race cars get tuned up during a race.

“The purpose of Tea(m) Time is to carve out one or two hours a month or bi-weekly to intentionally discuss your relationship with your partner – as a team” - Relationship Zen.

We got out of the habit of having these conversations during the last few months, so our December Tea(m) Time was much needed… and just in time for the end of the year!

During this Tea(m) Time conversation, we focused on the strengths, challenges, and opportunities that we each saw in our relationship. It was a stimulating and connected conversation. We'd been craving that kind of connection for a while since we skipped a few sessions.

From there, we identified individual and relationship intentions based on what came up in our conversation.

Our goals for 2019

We’re sharing some of our personal, relationship and Relationship Zen goals with you for some inspiration:

David’s personal goal: Improve my sleep efficiency score by 5%, as shown by my Oura Ring sleep tracker, to improve my energy levels and overall health.

Lindsey's personal goal: Prioritize my time according to my natural energy rhythms to feel more ease, creativity and productivity.

Our goal for our relationship: To become even more playful with each other. We’re setting aside time in our calendars each week to not only spend time with each other, but to have silly-old fun!

Our goal for Relationship Zen, as a service: We are developing online and in-person group coaching to share our game-changing strategy and tactics to help couples elevate their relationships’ sense of passion, purpose and connectedness. You may have noticed that we’re re-designed our website to reflect our NEW coaching services. It’s still in development, so more on this in the coming months! ;)

The habits: The goals cannot be accomplished without the right habit, protocol, or routines. So here’s what we’re doing to make those goals become a reality:

  1. We got really serious about our 5 am morning routine: exercise, meditation, and learning, followed by Relationship Zen hustling!

  2. We also got serious about our evening routine: technology-free and winding down much earlier than before. We’ve had to sacrifice some evening commitments, but it’s what we need from life right now.

Pro tip: It takes about 66 days for a new habit to overwrite an old one and to take its place. As Robin Sharma says: So it’s hard at first. And so most of us give up. But if you stay with it, you get to stage 2 and that’s where your old habit starts to crumble. And your new one begins to form. It’s messy at this point. Confusing. A little scary. And completely normal. And then, with grit and devotion, the new habit becomes your new normal. This is a great time on the journey to unleashing your potential. And life’s never the same.”

Act Now

No point in delaying if you’re wanting to level-up your relationship! Here are some questions to get you started on your own relationship leveling-up plan:

  • What would a more connected, purpose-driven, and passionate relationship look like for you?

  • What does the best version of yourself look like?

  • How do your personal habits and goals enhance or detract from your relationship goals?

  • How do your relationship habits and goals enhance or detract from your personal goals?

Do you set relationship goals? If so, what are they? If not, what do you think about the concept?

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Sending you love and light,

DL