How to Ignite Your Relationships Through Passion

“Knowing and being who you are is sexy” – The Daily Love Tweet

Have you ever admired or been inspired by your partner before?  That’s what this post is about: becoming a source of inspiration for each other, and for others, by living authentically… Igniting your relationships through passion.


The premise is simple: we enjoy each other and ourselves more when we are behaving according to our personal values and passions, because that’s when we are at our natural best. The goal behind this is to be a source of energy and inspiration for each other by being at our full potential at any given moment (not by choosing mediocre or projected versions of self).

In her TED talk, Esther Parel answered the following question: “When do you find yourself most drawn to your partner?”

Her research demonstrated that one of the moments was “when he is in his element, when she’s doing something she’s passionate about […] Basically, when I look at my partner radiant and confident […] Radiant, as in self-sustaining.” In other words, we gain energy from others when they are operating in-line with their passions and when they are at their full capacity.

For example, during the past few months, we’ve been fortunate enough to experience each other in our elements. Specifically, we teamed up to lead the speaker and program cultivation team behind TEDxYorkU, Lindsey got to watch David teach and train in Karate, and David got to hear Lindsey sing again.

At each of these moments, we observed and were inspired by each other at our peak states – our authentic and personal best states. In these moments, says Parel, the observer’s imagination is given space to work and the observed “is momentarily […] somewhat mysterious, somewhat elusive.”


When we give ourselves the permission to express ourselves from a place of authenticity, we’re happier and more confident. In return, it gives us the foundation for healthier and more exciting relationships because the potential for insecurities and judgments is reduced, while our true selves are permitted to lead. Allow that side of you to lead.

From a relationship standpoint, practicing authenticity allows us to be surrounded by people who are attracted to us for who we really are, rather than for the identity we may be projecting. In other words, authenticity helps to ensure that our relationships are founded on a real connection. Authenticity is both an outcome and a process of self-confidence. Practice authenticity.

Alison Armstrong, author of Making Sense of Men: A Woman’s Guide to a Lifetime of Love, Care and Attention from All Men,  explains that men like self-confident, secure and self-sufficient women, especially women who are authentic with themselves. If you don’t have the confidence, you are pretending. It isn’t about being perfect, it is about being your true, authentic self. The same goes for women about men and for same LGBTQ* couples.

Igniting Our Relationship Through Passion by Co-Facilitating a Relationship Zen Workshop

Igniting Our Relationship Through Passion by Co-Facilitating a Relationship Zen Workshop



Behaving in-line with our passions and values and being in our element requires dedication to continuous cycles of personal growth. In other words, actively experiencing cycles of self-knowledge and application are prerequisites to living in our element. It has helped increase our ability to give and to receive more universal forms of love over time (inside and out).

Check yourself.

You can’t inspire others if you don’t feel inspired. Do you know your passion? Are you actively engaged in it? Here are some ways to start:

  • Regularly consume and apply great sources of information (books, audio books, seminars, blogs, etc) in order to increase self-knowledge;

  • Have the courage to commit to exploring your authentic and non-socialized passions, actively engage with them, and live more meaningfully one day at a time;

  • Share more of YOU with your partner. What are the words/activities that best describe your true self?

Put it all together and you get the following formula: investing in personal development allows one to be their element and cultivate more genuine relationships.

Therefore, when we actively reflect and work on achieving personal congruence and self-efficacy, we give our relationship fuel to ignite.

Check your relationship.

It’s important to check whether your partner’s passions inspire you and vice-versa. Is there a genuine connection between your pursuits?

  • List at least 3 different situations where you’ve been most attracted to your partner;

    • What were they doing?

    • What was the context?

    • Does your partner’s passion(s) excite you? Do they have strong interests? Do you admire them for it?

  • How does it make you feel when your partner is engaged with and shares their passion/exciting activities with you?

  • Invite your partner to see your deepest gifts in action:

    • How do they react towards your passions? Do you have strong interests?

    • Do they make the effort to get involved or to support you in your pursuits?

  • To some extent, see where you can involve each other in shared passion.

We believe that if people are not interested in each other’s deepest passions and interests, then the partnership may lack in happiness and fulfillment. Perhaps a new and more compatible relationship could be forged. We also think it’s important for interests to be fully genuine; otherwise, serious challenges to sustainability may arise overtime.

Partners who are interested in each other’s interests can sustain stimulating conversations for years!

How does your partner or someone close to you express their passion and to what extent does that excite or inspire you? Let us know in the comment section or chat with us in our Facebook group.

“If something is important to someone important to you, it should become important to you as well.” -Robin Sharma