"Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of moments." - Rose Kennedy
Sometimes, we worry that we might not be spending enough quality time as a couple. Granted, we're occasionally together in the evenings doing chores or socializing, but being busy is really not the same as being present.
In other words, it doesn't always feel like life's routines are the best fit for conscious quality time: the kind that is intentionally dedicated to the relationship.
This was a red flag for us because spending too many years without quality time can lead to disharmony, so we decided to make more space for it.
Give Quality Time a Mission
Every good mission has a cause. Our cause: discover Toronto, the city we live in. Lindsey has been living in Toronto for 10 years and while David grew up in the Greater Toronto Area, he really hasn’t gotten to know the city. Therefore, our mission is to explore at least 10 new places and activities in Toronto before the end of the year.
Creating a mission for quality time overrides feelings of boredom, exhaustion, or laziness with feelings of curiosity, excitement, and joy. So, don't hesitate to gamify your quality time!
Add a Layer of Fun to Your Mission
David doesn’t like to get out of his way to look for things to do and both of us can get pretty caught up with our daily routine. In some ways, looking for new things to do feels a bit like a task because we find joy in our weekly routines.
Therefore, we use “Temptation Bundling” which is about pairing a task that’s hard or unpleasant for you to do (i.e. planning new things to do) with something you love to do (i.e. exploring the outdoors and enjoying food).
We love nature and we also love food. Therefore, it makes it a lot easier to search for places and activities involving Toronto’s natural beauty and a variety of eateries. The strategy has been working well for us!
So far, we've visited the Cherry Blossoms in High Park and a local Thai restaurant; the Downsview Park Flea Market and Caribbean food; Edwards Gardens and the Don Valley Trail after a delicious meal served by our grandma (Popo); a Street Food and Music Festival coupled with a massive octopus skewer; and the St.Clair West area for delicious coffee, a scrumptious brunch, and quaint shops.
We’ve got a lot more exploring to do and each adventure gives us the perfect opportunity to build memories together and to create shared meaning!
Novelty helps our brains get unstuck from routine and be more conscious about one another. This is golden because it enables us to experience a slightly different aspect of our relationship.
What strategies do you use to make space for quality time? Let us know on our Facebook Group or on Social!“Love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the beginning.” - Esther Perel